Gil Hates Everything

Today marks the end of my patience for jukebox musicals.

It would be cheaper to buy the appropriate Queen Greatest Hits package than to go see this show. Also, you’ll hear a better and more committed and authentic vocalist, better guitars, and a bigger choir (of sorts). Also, you’ll be spared a stupid sub-pantomime story. Also, the song lyrics won’t have been savaged to insert numerous unrhyming references to “the internet”, a thing which I understand to be bad. Also, the people next to you won’t be shouting along out-of-tune to Bohemian Rhapsody. Also, you won’t say “Oooh, Ogre Battle” and find they’re only using forty seconds of it as backing music. Also, you won’t be enhancing the impression in people’s minds that the moment a song contains any kind of story, it belongs on Broadway. Also, also also, also also, also also also also; also, also. ALSO! … there, quick, what does the word ‘also’ mean? You’ve forgotten, haven’t you? Ha! Always works.

Random Panda awards this abomination zero out of ten pieces of bamboo.

Here is a range of latter-day Queen videos to improve your day (or possibly ruin it – sorry):

This Could Be Heaven For Everyone:
The Show Must Go On
I’m Going Slightly Mad
Too Much Love Will Kill You

And now, fuck it, I have to go listen to my entire Queen collection.

(originally posted 2009)