Gil Hates Everything

Hmmm. A prime example of how casual shoppers (or in my case, completist library browsers) can end up with a sub-par product: it turns out that VPL and therefore now I have the 1984 London cast recording of this show, which is short (13 tracks including the overture) and which for no obvious reason includes the cast singing “Fascinatin’ Rhythm” (which isn’t even from this show). On the plus side, it features childhood hero Roy Castle, not that you can really make him out over the ghastly gurning of Tommy Steele, who was not a childhood hero. During “Singin’ In The Rain” he sounds like he needs a tongue depressor.

“Singin’ In The Rain” was a 1952 Gene Kelly movie which you’ve almost certainly seen but quite possibly can’t remember in detail because of the dominating factor of the title song, which has been spoofed and repurposed so many times it’s… well, it’s still funny, is the remarkable thing. Gene Kelly’s honestly happy rain-dance seems to bring out the best in anyone who works with it, ranging from Morecambe & Wise to Paddington Bear to the Golf GTI bodypopping edition.

The plot is the evergreen “bitchy star tries to fuck up plucky but powerless romantic lead but it all turns out OK at the end”, set at the advent of talking movies to give it some cunning credence – there were silent movie stars whose careers evaporated the moment audiences realized they sounded like shit. It’s all very 1952, and I seem to recall it was the veteran performances rather than the material which made the movie a pleasant experience.

But that’s the problem when you come to a stage musical of a movie: going the other way, you can take the experience to another level (although you don’t have to, which is why “Rent” is such a dreary and unimaginative movie whereas “Chicago” looks special despite the leads not being all that good)… but going from movie to stage, you need to somehow reproduce, on a nightly basis, effects which took multiple takes or extraordinary exploitation of the properties of the camera. It’s an urban myth that Gene Kelly danced “Singin’ In The Rain” in one take, for example: it took three days of filming. So how are you going to sing in the rain, son? It’s wet on stage. Tricky. (This is also why, to my knowledge, no-one’s tried a stage version of Fred Astaire’s “Royal Wedding”… look it up if you don’t already know why.)

The songs aren’t really great – another indication that it was the original performances which excused them. “Be A Clown” only just worked at the time, if you’d never seen that much physical comedy before, and I’ve seen it live and it was truly embarrassing. “Moses Supposes” is very silly, exactly the kind of thing that works in an old-school movie, but on stage it feels a bit laboured. “Too Marvellous For Words” and “Good Morning” are just dire, and I should warn you now, if you like tap dancing, this is the show for you, but if on the other hand you, oh, for example, y’know, feel that tap is the last refuge of songwriters who’ve run out of anything interesting to say, then run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.

The problem with this show is essentially, unless it stars a new Gene Kelly, there’s not really much point; you can see a perfectly good version of it, which won’t be any less dated but will almost certainly have much better dancing, no mistakes, audible lyrics, an well-tuned and well-balanced orchestra, and no dangerous splash zones – for $5 on DVD. You may think this betrays a lack of understanding of the thrill of live theatre on my part. Well, what if it does? Welcome to 2010! I want to see the show and I want it to be good! I don’t care who’s in it, I just expect it to be done well – and I don’t particularly care for the “electricity of live performance”, because most of the time it’s not there, is it? Be honest. There are some shows where it’s been worth seeing it live – the recent “The Wild Party” at the Anza comes to mind – but I’ve seen plenty of shows in plenty of venues where I would have been equally happy – and in many cases happier – with seeing a movie of the show, for all the above reasons. And seeing a movie is usually cheaper. And it doesn’t matter so much where I sit. And when the tap dancing starts I can fast-forward…

Anyway. Random Panda awards the original movie an inflation-adjusted seven out of ten pieces of bamboo, this specific soundtrack three out of ten, and “Singin’ In The Rain” itself, as a stage musical in 2010, two out of ten. Thus Random Panda for today.

(originally published 2009)