Gil Hates Everything

Rodgers. Hart. 1940. And the first musical-theatre antihero, apparently. Based on a novel written as a series of letters from a dodgy nightclub entertainer to his friend. I knew nothing about this, but then I look at the song list. I’ve at least heard of several of the songs here, including “I Could Write A Book”, and it’s where “Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered” comes from. Huh. Didn’t know that was a show tune. Wonder whether it’ll sound different…

Since we’re back in 1940, the soundtrack doesn’t exactly fully describe the plot, so, wiki wiki wiki, uh huh, OK, well, it’s definitely got a plot, in which Joey manages to finagle his way into opening his own nightclub, but his skirt-chasing ways get him into trouble. But the details seem a bit skimpy so I can’t help you more.

This show has been revived a number of times, but from the production values and the women’s voices, I’m guessing I have an older soundtrack. Aside from the two big numbers (and I should say that I wasn’t too prepossessed by “I Could Write A Book”) I found the tunes completely forgettable, with some spectacularly dull bits – the opening number, “You Mustn’t Kick It Around”, didn’t impress, and it’s really weird hearing “Bewitched…” sung by this kind of voice, and not a smoky jazz voice. It sounds quite bad, actually. I wonder whether they keep that style in the revivals. Also, the lyrics are different, longer, and awful – there’s “a pill he is / but still he is / all mine and I’ll keep him until he is…”, not to mention the horrendous “I’ll sing to him / each Spring to him / and worship the trousers that cling to him”… ??? It gets even worse in the reprise. I approve of the editor who cut this one down to jazz-size.

It being a show about a nightclub entertainer, there’s some songs which are evidently being eidetically performed by the nightclub singers and dancers, and you know how much I always like them. It’s not quite a backstage musical, but the songs aren’t any better than the two equivalent numbers in “Guys & Dolls”. One of these days I’m gonna seriously scratch this itch.) I feel so sorry for theatre professionals who get lumbered with this kind of stuff. “Happy Hunting Horn”, dear god…

This show was a huge disappointment. There are some okay lyrics but they’re horribly set – a song called “Zip” is the slowest thing on the soundtrack, FFS! Rodgers’ music is dull and awkward, and fails even to deliver schmaltz; “Do It The Hard Way” sounds like someone falling over while playing hopscotch. And it all sounds dated as hell. I realize this show is only slightly younger than my mother (78 this year and still doing well, since you ask) and should perhaps be given some kind of pass for its historical value, and apparently it was revised in 2008 with a rewritten and much bleaker script to reasonable (although not global) acclaim… but it sounds like something from the Late Cretaceous, and it didn’t hold my interest at all. I would rather listen to “Oklahoma!” – yeah, I know! But it’s that bad.

Random Panda awards this two out of ten pieces of bamboo. This is the kind of show that is totally why I call this thing “Gil Hates Musicals”. I want to like musicals. I really do. And I appreciate that it’s moderately unfair to pick on a show that turns seventy this December. But why, why, why do we revive such godawful-sounding shows as this, why do we have such veneration for the past, why don’t people want to see newer shows, why are newer shows supposedly not as good, why why why. Grrrr. Professional criticism fail ;-) I am always so happy when I hear a good musical. But correspondingly, I am always unhappy when I hear a bad one, and it’s not like I had to launch a massive research expedition and wind up spending $500 to get the soundtrack for this show; it’s on CD in the library, it’s readily available, people apparently still have an interest in it. Why? Panda collapses, sobbing. Perhaps it’s better in combination with the script. But in that case, dump these songs and make it a play. Or perhaps a book. Someone could write a book. I can’t tell you how much I would have appreciated the mercy, never mind the joke, had this show had started with a song called “You should Read The Book” – and ended immediately afterwards.

But now, Big News: tomorrow, to redeem the art form, we have Jason Robert Brown’s 1999 show “Parade“. Watch for a guest appearance by Mark Roberts in the comments ;-)

(originally posted May 20, 2009)